But then again, I'm now a single mum to 2 kids, with no job, a fanny like a badly packed kebab and more tyres than fucking Kwik Fit! I may as well have, shit on my top – 'cos he is 6ft 1” of toned, sex on legs and I look like Mr Blobby on Crack!
I know its petty and perhaps at the ripe old age of 36, I should learn how to share but, I am sick to death of bounding excitedly to the cupboard to be presented with mere crumbs!
I’ve even started buying biscuits that I am certain they don’t like and STILL there is none left.
I just want a fucking cookie, is it too much to ask?
It’s better out than in, they say but that definitely is NOT the case in this house.
Back in the days when it was just us girls… I could handle the odd bottom burp, even the eye watering variety, But now the house is up to 5 members and the boys are catching up the girls in numbers, These days when i brave it out of bedroom, full hazard gear, a gas mask and mag light are needed, just to get through the brown mist that lingers in the hallway
''MUUUUUUUM'' - oh dear god, it must be morning and inevitably, one of the kids has clearly lost something! The funny thing is, I have the worst memory known to man so, i don't really know why they bother asking me at all.... but they do!